CRAPPY MOOD


I'm in a crappy mood and so I think I'll share my pain and suffering with the world at large. Isn't that what a blogs for??? Hmmmm.... I'm tired. I've been working alot of hours and more to come. I don't know my days anymore. My meds don't seem to help me but I think the Zoloft is doing "something" or else I would have crashed myself into a tree. HA HA . Kidding. Kidding. I'm in a crappy mood because I'm alone on New Year's eve. I'm in a crappy mood because I live somewhere I hate to go back to somewhere I despise (weather). In fact, I don't think "Crappy" really cuts it here. There's a stronger word but I can't think of it at the moment. I feel like I'm at the lowest of the low but still I smile politely and nicely at work as though Iwas the happiest cherub in the patch. Isn't it funny how you have no idea what hell is going on inside someone. Anyone really. Some are just wackos and take it out on others (Ted Bundy anyone? No takers I see..)

I wish there was some magic drug and PING all your problems are solved and your happy. You know, I've been thinking about it to the last time I was REALLY happy and I would say my trip with Jan to San Diego. And before that? I don't know. I mean it's sad but I can't pinpoint any really happy moments anymore. I don't think I know what it feels like to be happy that's how long it's been.

I don't know, I don't know, I just don't think I can take another move back to Snow City USA. When I look back now, to when I first came here I was so upset and part of it was not seeing family/friends but most of it was just away from the familiar, the safe. I don't hate Texas, although I wouldn't put it on my top ten lists But I do hate the winters in NH. And until you've been living there in a wheelchair for a few years, not one word! Can a place contribute to you being happy or not? Yes it can.

Well I guess I've bitched enough for one night. But there is a saving grace and that is.....


.........LOST it's almost here, the one thing I have to look forward to is finally gonna be here after all these months. Christ knows where I'll be when it ends in May. But if I think about that too much I am gonna bring myself down even lower.

OH MY GO LOST IS IN LESS THAN THIRTY DAYS CAN THIS BE POSSIBLE????

Yes, it is. Check out the widget counter. We now have less than 30 days to find out all the intrigue and surprises that Season five will bring us. Oh I cannot wait. I am so excited. I love watching the show, discussing it online with people, coming up with theories, reading what other people think. We are almost there people, hold on just a bit longer!!!!


WORK

I have to work tomorrow 9-3. I don't know why I said I would. I guess I'm jsut an idiot. Well it is 6 hours of OT this week and next week and then after I won't have to do any more Saturdays. Jan is supposed to be busy though so I'm sure I'll be able to make plenty of OT.


SAN DIEGO

Has a lovely ring doesn't it? Just saying.


BATMAN

I bought Batman (well actually for my dad but I took it home so he'll have to get it later) and as soon as I watch it I will post my review here for all to read because I know you are anxious to find out what I think. As most are. HA HA. I can't wait to see Heath as the Joker and I'm sure
that he is just as good as they say.

HOWDY SNOWY NH---HA HA HA HA HA HA

It's snowing like the Dickens (get it, Dickens, like Charles Dickens like in.....oh forget it) up in good old NH and I for the first time am glad to be where I am---no snow, no ice , no stinking white mess to shovel and wade through. I called all my friends cause I knew they'd be home stuck in the house, and they were!!!! I could go out now but I'm going out tomorrow so why brave Xmas shoppers two days in a row? It'll save me a Xanax or Ativan or two. HA HA. Maybe I'll stay in and have a pill party. HEE HEE. Just kidding Mom. Though if anyone has a stray oxycontin they don't need send it my way. Oh enough of drugs. Let's laugh some more about the Granite Staters and their snow and no electricity. I do feel sorry for them, yes, I do. I am not heartless. I am just glad it's them instead of me cause usually it's the other way around. They are supposed to get more snow too and winter doesn't start til tomorrow. This does not bode well for winter 08/09. Not well at all.


CAYLEE'S BODY IDENTIFIED

They identified the body found as little Caylee but cannot determine the cause of death. I hope they have some strong evidence to tie this to the mother cause you know she did it. Oh yeah I know, allegedly. Innocent until proven guilty. Blah blah blah. It's my blog and I declare that she did it! So there. And I'm hardly ever wrong. Once again the country should make Pooh and I JJE (Judge, Jury, and Executioner) and things would be done quickly, speedily and fairly!

WORK

I made it through the work week. I made it through the time card puncher from hell and the getting up at 7 am to be at work til 8 pm. I made it through calling my Psychiatrist at 8 am. Who, by the way, has upped my anti dep mgs and I am actually feeling good today. My counseling starts on the 14th of Jan which I am looking forward to. Let's see, I got paid this week and had a pretty hefty check with all the OT. I am working next Saturday and the Saturday after which will be combined OT of 12 hrs. Yeah me making money to pay bills! Please, some rich good looking nice guy find me and marrry me. Amen.

SCRAPBOOKING

Is a pain in the ass. There I've said it. Come get me all you scrapbookers. And I don't even do the weird fancy crap that they do. I finally finished my Marilyn/Lost/Titanic/Gone with the wind scrapbook and now I have to put all these old World World I
postcards that a great Aunt had into one. I could be doing that now as we speak. Hell I could be washing my floors or folding laundry but you know what? I don't wanna so I'm not gonna. I'll deal with it later. Anyway, scrapbooking is wacked if you ask me (no offense Paula and Jan whom I love dearly) especially when you go all out and put in little them picutures and cut outs and all that other stuff they do. Heck, I take my pictures, arrange them on a page and call it a day. I am a poor mans scrapbooker OR am I really the more intelligent scrapbooker. You decide.


LOST

I had to put it in here cause I love it and it annoys CERTAIN people. LOST LOST LOST.

WORKING 9 to 5

Well, in my case 9 to 8pm. I have to go in early for some sort of "Insurance Refresher" course which is from 9 to 5:30 then I have to do my reg job til 8 pm. Not just that (cue harps and violins) I have to get up at 7 to call my nut doctor for 8. I was supposed to go see him at 8 but the last minute insurnace thing blew that to all hell. So, because I have to give a 24 hr notice OR BE CHARGED I am out of luck. But no, you'll be relieved to know, I called the Dr and the receptionist/office manager person said that just this one time I could do a call in since "I'm being charged anyway." Awwwww. It's just a med check and not a counseling session which, you nosy little people, doesn't happen til January. That my friends is with a counselor who is a mite, and just a mite, cheaper then the good old doc who doles out the meds. And to add insult to injury, it's flipping COLD outside. This is Texas, I mean, what the.........



GUY WHO ALLEDGEDLY KILLED STACEY PETERSEN IS GETTING MARRIED

Okay, how in the hell does a guy with a missing wife, suspision of offing the first one, now get a new chick who is 23 years old? He's like 30 years older not to mention the small problem of possibly being
a killer! Is this girl incredibly stupid? Please lord, let's find the body of Stacey and nail this guys you know what's to the wall. I wonder how he'll kill this one? Ooops I mean allegedly.


LOST

It's my blog and I'll write about LOST ad nauseum if I so desire! Only a little more than ONE MONTH til the new season starts! And before that they are gonna play last years finale! Oh if I were back in NH I would so be at my friend Paula's house to watch. Instead I'll have to call her on the phone and irritate her during the good parts. Thank god for Tivo. It won't be long Desmond, it won't be long.


CHRISTMAS

I hate it. I'm sorry but I hate it. It just makes your crappy life seem that more crappy when you see the stupid commercials of all love and happiness and togetherness on TV. I have to change the channel or choke back a xanax in order not to puke. Yes, I am a scrooge. I find no pleasure in it. Now when I was little I loved it, it was exciting, mysterious....but now, it's just a pain in my bank account. No I take that back. I do like to give gifts to friends and family. I don't like the bills but I do like giving presents. I like getting them more but hey, I'm superficial and a designer snob so I admit it. This Xmas is gonna suck. I have ZERO decorations in my apt. I don't have any and I don't want to buy any. Who's gonna see it but me and possibly my parents who I'm sure could care less if there was tinsel strewn around. Oh maybe the guy who will need to come to fix my dryer (it's making a really loud noise) would enjoy it but tough luck on him. Who am I celebrating with? My parents. Oh how exciting. I am going shopping the next day to buy stuff for which I don't have much money but what the hell. I'll be doing a crap load of OT in January (and work has declared no time off in Jan) to make up for it. But anyway, that is my rant about Xmas. Oh I do remember a time when I was older and liked it. We would go to NJ and to my Aunt Maureen's house with all the relatives and have Italian food and reg Xmas fair. Those were fun times. I just pray I can find some happy times again. Enough Xmas rant.


THE STONE AGE

As you know, my beloved company McKesson has sold it's pharmacy division to Walgreens Specialty (yes that Walgreens at every street corner) Well I come into work today and usually we swipe our cards to keep track of time. But now, oh my friends it is mighty frightening, we actually have to PUNCH A CARD with an archaic machine that prints in ink onto the card from some weird looking machine from the 50's. I feel like I'm in an episode of the flintstones. What's next? No email? No internet? My advice to Walgreen's is to get your technology up to date and pronto if you want to be #2 in the biz. It took me 10 minutes and 2 people to help me to figure out the machine from hell.


AND THE WINNER IS: ME

I won some award at work (a GC to Barnes and Noble) for supposing having a high productivity level. I would have hoped for a better incentive but what the hell, it'll get me a book that I don't have to pay for so I shouldn't complain. Hooray for me. We know how often I win things. Barely ever and when I do they are usually stuff I have already.


BEYONCE

God save me but I like her two new songs "If I were a boy" and "Put a ring on it". I'm ashamed to admit but I am not to proud to admit it to the world. Not that I'm a Beyonce fan or anything, I just like those song. If you haven't seen the video to "If I were a boy" go to youtube and check it out.

SNOW IN TEXAS


Well so much for getting away from the white crap. We had some snow today. No appreciable accumulation mind you, but the fact remains, it SNOWED. They also had ice warnings this morning. I stayed home cause I was sick and when I looked outside and saw that white evilness falling I almost had a flipping heart attack. Well guess I better get used to it when I go back to NH. I am going back to NH to learn to be a healthy and independent person and I have given myself two years to accomplish this feat. After that, I am San Diego bound. That is the plan and that is what I am working for.



LOST


Tak a look to your left and see how little time is left until LOST starts again! Can you believe it? I am so damn excited it's the one thing in my crappy depressed life that I am actually looking forward to and makes me happy. Especially Desmond.



ADAM WALSH CASE CLOSED

Well we now know the name of the scumbag who killed poor Adam Walsh back in the early 80's. Otis Toole is the name and it sounds just what you'd think a child molester's name would sound like. Too bad the guy is dead so he could get some good old fashioned prison justice. Now I would like the mysteries of The Bermuda Triangle, Amelia Earhart, Where is Jimmy Hoffa's body, amongst a host of others.

GOING HOME.....I AM OUTTA HERE....BYE BYE LONE STAR STATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


That's right, I am going back to NH in the Spring for at least the forseeable future. I still plan on visiting LA/San Diego as much as I can and one day living there but for now, I am going home. Back to my friends and my family and hopefully a better, more independent life. Hopefully I will get a job, preferrably back at my favorite place, Aetna. I will stay w/the parents for awhile but will then move out on my own. I've been enjoying living alone but will enjoy it more when I can have friends come over and visit me! The only thing I am not looking forward to is the snow/winter but I lived through many many of them before and I am sure I can do it again. Then, in a few years, when I am strong enough and confident enough, I will head to California which is, has always been and always will be, my dream. Sorry Texas but the Patriots and the Red Sox rule!!!! I want normal chinese food. I want my orange crush back. I want smuckers strawberry jelly. Yes, I will miss your Krispy Kremes and your Sonic Cherry crushes, but I will deal. I won't miss your flat flat land. I won't miss your non-scenery and I won't miss your weird roads. I can't wait to see ALL my friends and family again and I will be up their butts for a long, long time to come! HA HA. Paula, we need to sit down and watch "Sooner or Later". Janis, i think a chinese meal is on the menu and Audrey, girl we are gonna have us some fun!!!!


LOST

Only a month and a half till LOST! Sorry but I had to put it in the blog. What's a blog without a mention of LOST and my darling Desmond!!!! I cannot wait to watch the show, over anlayze it with other LOSTIES, speculate about the meaning of every minute thing and think of new theories that might be the answer to it all!!!

KINDLY TAKE A LOOK ON OVER TO YOUR IMMEDIATE RIGHT.....

Why look, the LOST countdown is now under 50 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've made it 7 months and I can make the last 49 I know I can, I know I can!!!!! I wish they made little LOST action figures like they do with Star Wars cause I'd totally own them. Oh shut up!!!! And I'd keep my Desmond "figurine" under my pillow. HA HA. Or am I kidding??????

WORK

Well I made it through the loooonnnnggg day. I am tired but if I go to bed now I won't be able to fall asleep so I guess I'll wait. Next week or the week after I have to do to the same thing again because of some stupid Insurance Training they are having so we have to come in early for that boring event and work til 8. Well, at least it's money and with Walgreen's about to take over better take quick advantage of it.


MAGGOTS

Janis sent me some story about a woman being found ALIVE with maggots all over her livng in some house with her son. The son must be a looney tunes and the old lady can't have that much of a mind left. But just think about it. The word is just creepy. MAGGOTS.

WORK


I have to go into work at 9:30 tomorrow for some meeting things with the new "Walgreens" people so I have to work that early til 8! Can someone please advise me as to a mega caffeine drink I can use to keep my eyes open? But, my hours will be changing from 11:30 to 8 to 10:30 to 7. It's a start. Sorry I can't be my wonderfully funny self but I must go get ready for bed early. Oh I can't wait til that alarm goes off at 8!

CONGRATULATIONS TO THE NEW SECRETARY OF STATE WHO SHOULD BE OUR NEXT PRESIDENT (SORRY MOM AND DAD) GO HILL!!!!

BORING BORING DAY


Well I had today off since I am working on Saturday oh lucky lucky me. And what did I do you wonder with bated breath? What excitment did Michele get into today? HA HA. Oh how I wish. Well let's see. I was on the computer. I talked to Janis and later talked to my nieces. I folded laudry. Oh yes, and the cherry on the exciting day was I swiffered. Yes, I swiffered the bathroom and kitchen. I feel weird even saying it. I mean it sounds perverted. But I guess that would make it alot more interesting then what it really is: Cleaning dirt and crap up off the floor. Yeah, got a dead bug on there too. Later I have to drag the three bags of trash outside to the curb but I'm saving that little bit of fun for later. Don't want to do too much at one time. Will I be able to do it without some incident happening? I guess you'll have to wait til tomorrow to find out. With my luck they'll be a huge hole in the concrete where my wheelchair will slip into and I'll be lost in a void forever. Although...that might not be too bad at this point. UPDATE: TRASH BAGS ARE OUT ON THE CURB AND ALL IS WELL).


I WANT TO BE A PSYCHIATRIST


Yes, I do. Why? because they make the buckaroos. I made a call today to another psychiatrist (Male) this time and my initial two hour visit will cost me a cool $300. Then later on to see a counselor it's $125 and throw in a once a month med visit (if you are on meds) another $150. I am praying my insurance will cover some of it. If not I'll just go crazy from being broke rather than any of the other myriad of reasons I posess. My appointment isn't til next Tuesday so keep your fingers crossed I don't go psycho before then.