LOST COUNTDOWN


One more day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



LOST EPISODE SCHEDULE

Episode 5: February 28
Episode 6: March 6
Episode 7: March 13
Episode 8: March 20
***Break (Waah!)***
Episode 9: April 24
Episode 10: May 1
Episode 11: May 8
Episode 12: May 15
Episode 13: May 22 (Season Finale....Now I gotta get a life...)

WHO ARE THE OCEANIC SIX?

Jack (Gimme another Oxycontin dammit!)
Katiepoo (Jack or Sawyer or...Aaron!)
Hurley (Dude I am so insane. Gimme another donut.)
Sayid (I am one damn fine looking individual.)
****SPOILERS BELOW BUT YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T HELP BUT LOOK CAN YA?****
Jin
Sun

Snow Sucks

EVIL FROM THE SKY

That's right, I've said it. Snow Sucks. I'm not ashamed to say it and to tell the world how I feel. I hate snow. It bites. Snow is evil. EVIL! It's from the devil himself. I believe the devil has a personal vendetta against me, because after all, the world does revolve around me, and is trying to drive me insane by sending this white crap down. Day after day. Weekend after weekend. If I could physically punch the heck out of snow I would do it! Any idiot that likes this disgusting mess deserves to rot in Antartica! Now that I've said that I don't feel any better and apparently, according to the news, my antidepressants are just placebos with no actual effects. Yeah, tell my stomach that!



LOST

Well what can I say on Lost that hasn't already been said? The show is pure perfection and if anyone says anything negative I'll make you watch the Gene Simmons sex tape over and over!
Last Thursday's episode EGG TOWN, while not quite as WTFifying (my new word) as last week, was still pretty damn spectacular. While I don't care as much for Kate as say Sayid, Jack or really anyone else on the show, I think it was a good acting job on Ms. Lily's part (aka Katiepoo).

The trial was kind of a slap-dash thing though. It felt kinda like exposition just thrown in to show why she wasn't in jail and able to travel to that airport to meet Jack later on in the future (Kate, we have to go baa-ckk!) And wow, Jack is a damn good liar isn't he? We learned a bit more about the cover up story (Only 8 survived the crash and out of that two die) and how Kate was the "hero". Anyhoo, I got to see Jack and even though he was semi-sane at this juncture, he was still cute. Yes, I like a scruffy psycho Jack, so sue me!

Loved the part where Hurley and Sawyer are roomies and about to watch that hideous Olivia Newton John flick "Xanadu". I had that damn song in my head for hours after the show ended. Thanks Lost producers!

Miles is such a whiny, creepy, sarcastic wacko! I love him! And that Faraday, what's his deal? Is the guy mental? Aspbergers? Early on-set Alzheimers or what? He's a flake but he fits in just fine with the Lostaways. Still not sure what to make of that prissy British chick Charlotte or the pilot guy, who looks like he could be an extra from some 1980's movie take on a Vietnam vet.

And of course, the best part was the very end, again! When Kate goes into little turnip head's (I'm stealing this nick name from another Lost site because it is just so darn fitting) room and the tyke is all "Hi Mommy" and Kate is all "Hi Aaron." AARON???? Well WTF!!!! Where's Claire??? Now I wasn't as surprised as I could have been due to my reading every flipping Lost site there is and hearing speculation for awhile that the HE Katiepoo referred to in last season's finale was in actuality, Aaron. And, well, it was!!

Next week's sneak peek looks like we will be seeing our buddies Sayid and Desmond on the freighter. Will Michael show up? Yes, I have seen some SPOILER sites that show pics of Michael on the freighter. Could he be Ben's man on the boat? Or maybe he's just Ben's man? HA HA. Now that would be a real WTF moment wouldn't it?

Only two more days til the next episode! YES!!!

Assorted Grab Bag

KID SEX DETTERENT



I have found the perfect detterent for parents to give their pre-teen kids that is guaranteed to put them off sex for quite awhile. What is it you ask? It's the Gene Simmons sex tape natch! You know Gene Simmons, the ugly dude from Kiss with the long tongue? Well now he's the creepy old ugly dude starring in a sex tape! I've only seen some stills but damn, the images are burned into my retinas! I can't figure out if it's more disgusting or hilarious. Maybe I'll just say it's disgustingly hilarious. I can't even believe I'm writing the words Gene Simmons and sex tape down! If you haven't seen it, DON'T! I'll sum it up for you: picture an old ugly guy that looks like your grandpa (only richer) on top of some semi-pretty HO who you know is only there to say she bagged someone "famous". The only reason to view this is for the laughs. It's kinda like that "two girls one cup" video. It's more fun to watch people's reactions to it then to actually see it for yourself.


FIRED FATTY


Kirstie Alley has been fired or let go from Jenny Craig, depending on how her publicist wants to spin it. Seems Ms Alley is a fatty again and Jenny Craig has decided to cut loose that fish before it gets any bigger. I read that Kirstie is coming up with her own diet plan/program that will come out sometime in 2009. Yeah, okay. So what is it, a plan to lose a few pounds, lie about your actual weight, then put it all back on and more? Is she gonna stick in some weird Scientology herb treatment or sauna? Speaking of Scientology, since you know how I love to, if she's a Sciento why isn't she thin? I mean, if they are the EXPERTS on stuff, then how come she's still a fatty fatso? I guess she swallowed one too many Thetans and now she's bloated!



AND I THINK I'M GOING OUTTA MY HEAD



Some guy took that song just a bit too seriously it seems. Well, actually, it was his girlfriend's head that he decapitated, took with him in his car and then plowed himself and the head directly into a semi. I guess two heads are better than one! HA HA. It's not funny and yet, it is! Some songs for the occassion in case you want to party:



"Head over heels"

"Bang your head, metal health will drive you wild"

"Put your head on my shoulder"

"HEADing for a hearbreak"


Feel free to find other songs to fit the vibe!!!



JUDGE JURY AND EXECUTIONER (JJE for short)



A good friend and I have decided that we should make the judicial decisions on crimes and whatnot, since we seem to know better than anyone else out there that is supposedly an expert or is actually making the (stupid) decisions. And so in that vein I give you today's JJE.



The Case:


A central Illinois couple faces first-degree murder charges in the death of their 5-month-old baby, who was found unresponsive in a car seat that had been placed in a crib.

Apparently, the kid was brought home and left in the self same car seat in his crib for eight days until he was found dead from starvation and neglect. You gotta wonder what the hell was going through the parents minds. Oh! Excuse me, they were too busy playing video games and feeding themselves to notice a crying, screaming child! Well you know, World of Warcraft is addicting, and how could anyone expect that they should get off their butts and do stuff like, oh I don't know, parent???


The JJE Verdict:


The parents are to be strapped into carseats in diapers, put into a crib and left in an empty room by themselves for two weeks. If, at the end of two weeks, they are still alive, then they are free to go. The room will be locked, with no windows and no way out. Let the screaming and crying commence!



LOST

The fourth episode of Lost is on tonight!!!! Thursday nights ROCK!!!

WTF?!

LOST


If I had a nickle for every time I muttered in disbelief WTF at the screen, I'd retire to Hawaii and stalk the Lost cast members in my spare time. Just Kidding!!! "The Economist" was simply one hell of a television ride. In fact, I'm gonna quote from a poster on another Lost site who said something like this: Throw in a couple of ninjas and a dinosaur voiced by Samuel L. Jackson and you'd have the greatest television episode ever.

Amen, couldn't have put it better myself. There was too much to even recap and seeing Sayid featured just about put me into a heart attack. And the ending, when it turns out that Ben is the guy that Sayid is working for, well that was the biggest WTF moment ever!! If I were Siskel (who's dead) or Ebert (who's fat and I think practically dead) I'd give this sucker two major major thumbs up!

Is Scientology Right?

SCIENTOLOGY REDUX

OMG are the Scientos right, is psychiatry/psychology bad?

Police have identified the 56-year-old psychologist who was hacked to death with a meat cleaver at her office on Manhattan's Upper East Side.
Police were searching for a male suspect in the Tuesday night killing of Kathryn Faughey at her office on East 79th Street. She lived across the street.

According to a news article, Faughey, a licensed psychologist, practiced cognitive behavioral therapy which focuses on changing thoughts that cause feelings or behaviors. Wait a second, that sounds suspiciously like auditing in the Scientology world! Allelujiah, that means Scientology IS wrong. If this idiot was given some anti-psychotic meds then this mess would never have happened. Well, thank god, proof again that Scientology is wrong. I can now rest easier tonight, just as soon as I pop some of my anti-depressants!!!!

LOST

Apparently, I can't shut up about Lost, and since this is my blog, then I don't have to! I've read some reports online that Lost is going to film five more episodes in addition to the eight that they already have in the can. For those of you doing that math, that's thirteen episodes, three less than the original sixteen. Since that is five more than I was hoping for just a little while back, I will be satisifed. Looks like Lost will also be staying on Thursday nights and possibly moving to ten pm with Grey's Anatomy as its lead in. I guess ABC is now conquering the "must see tv" mantra of days past.

SNOW

Please, just stop already okay? I can't take much more. I wanna go to California right now!!! I wanna kill that ground hog with the above mentioned meat cleaver!

Scientology Reality Show

SCIENTOLOGY

So, the Church of Scientology (COS) says they can cure mental illness without drugs, THEY ARE THE AUTHORITIES. Well, whaddya say we give them chance to talk the talk and walk the walk? That's right, we'll give the COS five mentally deranged wackos from the recent news (i.e. mother of the microwaved baby, mother who offed her four kids and left the bodies to rot in the house, guy who spewed steak sauce on his girlfriends corpse etc) for six months.

Here ya go Tom Cruise and minions, prove your love as Taylor Dayne so eloquently put in an 80's song. Show us you can cure these wackos and put them back into the ever lovin' arms of normal society. Yes, I know the term "normal" is kinda ironic when talking about the COS. We'll call the show something like From Insane to Brainwashed and to add a little bit of fun, we'll let the home viewers call in to vote whether insane and brainwashed are two separate things! Lulz will ensue for all!!!

What will the prizes be you wonder? Well, for the viewers, the lulz is all that matters. For the mentally deranged, they'll get their 15 minutes and a heap of vitamins and take those sauna baths the scientologists advocate so strongly. Heck, the wackies will never be more clean!! If the COS achieve their goal, then the deranged will be fully functinal Scientologists! If the Scientologists fail the deranged will more than likely be dead. On the plus side though, being dead is better than being part of this wacky cult! Bonus!!!!

As for the COS, well if they can "cure" the wackos they will have more members for their organization and more members mean more money!!! Not to mention they will have the love, respect and awe of society at large. HA HA HA. Just kidding on that one! If the COS fails, we'll laugh and say "told ya so" and get the government to revoke their tax exemption status. This will in turn cause the COS to hurl themselves into the nearest volcano and hope to become body Thetans. Society will then purge these Thetans by taking lots and lots of psychotropic drugs. Epic win!!!

So stay tuned for this new show coming soon. Produced and Directed by: Anonymous. Starring: Tom Cruise and Kirstie Alley. Brainwashing courtesy of the E-meter.

STRIKE

The writer's strike is OVER and that means more episodes of LOST are gonna be forthcoming. Yes indeed there is a God after all. More Sayid and Jack can never ever be a bad thing!!!


SNOW

Snow is evil and must be stopped. Enough said.


COOL SHOW YOU SHOULD BE WATHCING: SUPERNATURAL

You haven't seen real cool til you see Sam and Dean kick demon ass as they ride acorss the country in their ultra cool car. It's kinda like Buffy/Angel/ on speed. Take my word for it, if you like Lost, and even if you don't, you will LOVE this show. Sam and Dean are hotties and hell, that only adds to shows awesomeness. So watch it, unless intelligent television scares you. If that's the case, commence immediately down the channels and you'll eventually hit upon Hannah Montana to turn you back into the dumbed down drone you really are.

READING MATERIAL

I Just finished the book Marie Antoinette: The Journey. And no, I didn't read it cause it had the word Journey in it, please. It was a good read and a modern take on the decadent victorian times. Gives a lot more understanding then you would get from some school book. See the movie too, with Kirsten Dunst, Directed by Sophia Coppola. It really is a delight to the senses and visually stunning. Not to mention giving you a few historical nuggets to mull over. Loved it! And oh yeah, for the last time. Marie Antoinette did not tell anyone to eat cake. Well maybe her kids but other than that, no cake threats against the peasants!

General Wackiness

LOST

Lost is on tonight so I will not say anything further about it right now. That means, of course, that I will go on incessantly and obsessively tomorrow but for tonight I'll give it a rest. And my readers a rest. All two of them.

SPECIAL SAUCE

From a news story:

A man tried to cover up a 2006 murder of an 18-year-old woman by pouring steak sauce on her body, according to a report.

Wow, I'm speechless. Well, almost. Was this guy trying to compete with McDonalds by coming up with his own brand of special sauce? Could this be death by marinade?? Is there such a precedent? I hope the maggots appreciated the extra touch.


IS THAT INCLUDED IN THE PRICE OR DOES IT COST EXTRA?

Some real estate guy in England was showing a group of potential buyers a new house up for sale when he opened up a closet revealing the owners hanging body! It's true! Quite naturally, everyone flew out of the place after realizing that the body did NOT come with the house but would indeed cost extra. I guess that would also include the costs of having a fumigating company come in to get rid of the smell. Maybe the owner just wanted to linger a little longer!!!!

SHE'S OUT!

BRITNEY

OMG she's out. Yes, they've released Britbrit from captivity and she's free to wander the streets of LA again. Watch out gas station and Starbucks owners, she's on the loose! I can't imagine how much help she would have obtained in less than two weeks but I guess time and the paps will tell!


LOST

Just in case you may have forgotten, and God knows how that is possible, the new episode of Lost is on tomorrow! Hopefully the stinking writer's strike is over soon so they can maybe film another show or two. If not, I'd like to offer my writing skills to the producers. I'm available and I'll work for less than you'd normally pay!!!!

HEATH

The report came out todaythat Heath Ledger died from an accidental overdose of six drugs including oxycodone, valium, and xanax along with another narcotic and sleeping meds. I'm glad it wasn't that stupid "natural causes" label, but that doesn't make the news any easier. RIP Heath, I'm looking forward to your next Batman movie and will miss seeing you on the big screen in the future.

Nothing Interesting

WIDGET

Widget Widget who's got the, oh you know... It's a stupid name but it does something cool. Yes, the music you are hearing while you read this is courtesy of something called a Widget. I, being the computer clueless one, had help in figuring out what it is and how to add it to this blog. Thank you Paula for walking me step-by-step through the process. Hopefully I'll remember how to do it in the future otherwise you'll hear the same song for eternity. Although, what better way to go through eternity then listening to "Don't stop believin?" RHETORICAL QUESTION DO NOT ATTEMPT TO ANSWER!!!!!!


MICROWAVED BABY

That is not a typo. Some woman is on trial for putting her baby into the microwave. AND TURNING IT ON! Can you imagine? The woman's "excuse" was that her boyfriend was cheating on her. Guess that showed him huh? Just imagine what the woman might say to the judge:

If he hadn't been out prowling around with other women then I wouldn't have taken the baby to the microwave (mistakening her for a pork chop, which come on, is easy to do) opened up the door, put the crying, squirming "pork chop" in--closed the door and then pressed the on button. When the timer went off I removed the chop, and never for a moment did I realize it was my child even as I placed the meat on the sofa. I'm not responsible your honor, I was drunk, my boyfriend cheated and I thought I was cooking a pork chop snack. It's not my fault!

GOOD NEWS/BAD NEWS

BAD NEWS: The Patriots choked yesterday and got their asses kicked by The Giants. While I normally don't give a flying Tom Brady about football, I wanted the Patriots to win. I'm not sure why, since I can't stand this part of the country and dream of the Golden Gates, but I guess loyalty is loyalty.

GOOD NEWS: Lost is only three days away!!!!!! I can't stop thinking about this damn show. I've been on all the websites. Did you know there is a Lostpedia? Yes there is! I've been reading theories, conspiracies etc til my little head spins, and still I go back for more. I'm about to rewatch the first three seasons too. I need help true, but then again, at least I'm not in the nut house like some pop singers I could name but, for some reason, today I choose not to. Or do I?

BRITNEY: HA HA. You knew I was gonna mention the bat-**it insane one. Her dad is, as we speak, still Conservator until at least February 14th. Ahhh, what a romantic coincidence huh? Happy Valentine's Day Britbrit, you're in the mental ward and Daddy's controlling your stuff! Someone needs to make a Hallmark card for this!

SCIENTOLOGY: The chick that does Bart Simpson's voice gave $10 mil to the COS (Church of Scientology) last year. If that's not totally whacked then I challenge you to tell me something that is! February 10th is the day when Anonymous marches on the COS. And as you know, they don't forgive and they sure as heck don't forget!

GROUNDHOG UPDATE: My friend Sean in Georgia tells me the groundhog there is predicting an early Spring. And because I love the South and I hate Winter, I am putting all my faith behind this little guy. Yeah southern groundhog!

Groundhog must die!

PHIL

That stupid little rat faced ground hog saw his shadow yesterday so that means six more weeks of winter. Six more weeks?! I can't take even six more seconds of this crap. Seriously, someone needs to take that groundhog and let him off somewhere in a deep deep forest where he'll never see any shadow again! No I am not bitter, and it's not like I believe in the little rodent, but any hint of an extended winter just gets my ire up. Yes, IRE! Oh to be in California now.


PATRIOTS

Well it's the superbowl. Will Tom Brady and Co. stomp that Manning guy and his crew into the ground? Will the commercials be interesting? Will anyone actually NOT change the channel when Paula Abdul debuts her new single? I was really hoping Abdul wouldn't wimp out and do the thing live cause I would totally watch to see the trainwreck that is her music career derail in front of zillions of viewers. Way more interesting then when Janet showed some nip!

BRITNEY

Looks like Britbrit is locked away more then likely for 14 days while they try and evaluate or medicate her or whatever it is they do when you are on the psycho ward. Her daddy has control over her interests for the time being, which I suppose is more palatable then her wack job mother taking care of things. I mean, Mommy thought it was okay to let 16 year old Jamie Sin-- I mean Jamie Lynn, shack up at her home with redneck boyfriend. Is it any wonder the kid is pregnant? Anyway, for now, Britney's BFF Sam has a restraining order against him, so maybe he'll do the precarious econony a favor and get an acutal job.

I'M ONE OF THE OCEANIC 6..........

.....Well not really, but who knows, with Lost, anything is possible. I'd be more than happy to spend some quality camp time with Sayid, Jack or Sawyer. But what I'm really referring to is our portly pounds o'fun man, Hurley. Blasting through that bunch of watermelon or whatever the heck fruit (UPDATE: Papayas) it was, the show got off to a bang. At first I thought it was some stupid commercial til I saw Jack pouring himself a morning tall one. Yeah, I admit, it took me a bit to figure out that the Jack and Hurley of that "flash forward" was before the one where a disheveled Jack freaks out to Kate.

All these flash backs, flash forwards etc, have got my poor brain spinning. I'm not complaining though really. I'm happy to be Lost once again. The funniest part had to be when the cop interviewing Hurley offered him a donut, and he refused. Now that is down right eerie! And a real mystery. Why would Hurley turn down a donut? But I digress......

I was really spooked when Hurley came across Jacob's cabin in the jungle. And guess what? The dude in the rocking chair is none other than Jack's supposed dead daddy, Christian. Don't believe me, check out this link and see for yourself: http://losteastereggs.blogspot.com/
Time Travel? Alternate Universe? AHHHHHHHHHHH!

Some major questions going through my head: How the heck did Naomi get away with that thing in her back? How was Naomi able to get it out from her back AND climb the tree? And why the heck would Kate steal the phone from Jack and go after Naomi? And the biggest question in that same vein, why would Naomi lie to the freighter dudes and not tell them Locke had skewered her?

Creepy award goes to that mysterious guy that asked Hurley "Are they still alive?" when he visited him in the mental ward. Not Ben creepy, but still, the hairs on my arm were a-tingling! I can't wait to see how THAT plays out!!!

My mind is still racing with all the questions and possibilites. I can't wait til next week. Help me Lord, I'm addicted to Lost!

Favorite Lines:

"Naomi went to get some firewood" (Jack to Freighter dude trying to explain a missing Naomi)
"Better call the boat and tell them she's getting a really big bundle of firewood" (Ben to Jack after Naomi conveniently slips away with a machete thing sticking out of her)
"I am dead but I'm also here" (Charlie to Hurley, trying to explain his allegedly spectral appearance at the nut house)
"Jack, with your permission I'd like to go with John" (Ben to Jack, wanting to go with the guy he tried to kill instead of staying with the guy who beat the crap out of him)
"Never say Never dude"(a cryptic Hurley to a pre drugged out Jack who tells him he'll never go back there again)


LINK ALERT LINK ALERT!!!!

Check out my pal Duffman's forum: http://www.tenderwarrior.com/