CRAPPY MOOD


I'm in a crappy mood and so I think I'll share my pain and suffering with the world at large. Isn't that what a blogs for??? Hmmmm.... I'm tired. I've been working alot of hours and more to come. I don't know my days anymore. My meds don't seem to help me but I think the Zoloft is doing "something" or else I would have crashed myself into a tree. HA HA . Kidding. Kidding. I'm in a crappy mood because I'm alone on New Year's eve. I'm in a crappy mood because I live somewhere I hate to go back to somewhere I despise (weather). In fact, I don't think "Crappy" really cuts it here. There's a stronger word but I can't think of it at the moment. I feel like I'm at the lowest of the low but still I smile politely and nicely at work as though Iwas the happiest cherub in the patch. Isn't it funny how you have no idea what hell is going on inside someone. Anyone really. Some are just wackos and take it out on others (Ted Bundy anyone? No takers I see..)

I wish there was some magic drug and PING all your problems are solved and your happy. You know, I've been thinking about it to the last time I was REALLY happy and I would say my trip with Jan to San Diego. And before that? I don't know. I mean it's sad but I can't pinpoint any really happy moments anymore. I don't think I know what it feels like to be happy that's how long it's been.

I don't know, I don't know, I just don't think I can take another move back to Snow City USA. When I look back now, to when I first came here I was so upset and part of it was not seeing family/friends but most of it was just away from the familiar, the safe. I don't hate Texas, although I wouldn't put it on my top ten lists But I do hate the winters in NH. And until you've been living there in a wheelchair for a few years, not one word! Can a place contribute to you being happy or not? Yes it can.

Well I guess I've bitched enough for one night. But there is a saving grace and that is.....


.........LOST it's almost here, the one thing I have to look forward to is finally gonna be here after all these months. Christ knows where I'll be when it ends in May. But if I think about that too much I am gonna bring myself down even lower.