CAPTURED IN THE BASEMENT---THE MOVIE!!

Imagine, if you will, if some producer in Hollywood has read the headlines about that evil psycho father in Austria imprisoning his daughter for 24 year, and decided, hey that would make a great movie! It's not beyond the stretch of the 'ol imagination is it? Nope. And now, here is my take on what that movie version would be:

Captured in the Basement starring Diane Lane as the Captured Daughter...Lindsay Lohan as the grandaughter/daughter whose illness sparks the release. Also starring Clint Eastwood as the Father/Grandfather and Helen Mirren as his wife. Special guest starring that idiot from high school musical Zac Efron as the 18 year old boy. And to add some intrigue/spice to the whole disgusting sordid mash let's throw in a little fling between Zac and Lohan as the captured teens ala Flowers in the Attic or Blue Lagoon. Oh don't forget the cute precocious five year old to proclaim in wonderment "THE MOON" when he is released and sees the night sky for the first time. AHHHHH. Yes, from the folks that bring you Hannah Montana, Zoey 101 and some porn released under different names, it's Captured in the Basement. With: Rob Lowe as a nosy neighbor who does nothing. Michael Douglas as the Father's best friend and vacation travel companion. And in her first dramatic movie appearance, Miley Cyrus as one of the cry baby teens that were allowed to live above ground. Special special guest star Britney Spears as Miley's best friend (just cause). But the high caliber star action doesn't just end there! Oh no! How about Terry O'Quinn (from LOST!) Vincent Donofrio (From Law and Order Criminal Intent) and Gwyneth Paltrow as the detectives/police working on the case. Then for more gigles to counteract the oppressive disgusting context of the movie, we have Jim Carrey as the Psychiatrist who brings all the Basement people together with their above ground siblings. Yes, it's really touching when Jim Carrey shows up. Hey look, it's Mike Myers as the physician treating the coma laden Lohan as she fights for her life in the hospital. A wacked love triange ensues when Myers starts to fall in love with his charge much to the constignation of her older brother, Zac Efron. Oh noes!!! And what drama would be complete w/out some type of homo erotic twist? And no, this has nothing to do with Zac Efron. When Daddy Eastwood gets jailed, he forms a deep bond with another inmate played by George Hamilton. And don't ask how someone so tan lives in Austria! Maybe we've moved the story to take place in Florida! Don't question!!!!
There is a ferocious girl fight between mother and daughter, a real brawl after the daughter thinks for awhile and wonders why the hell Mommy Mirren didn't have any clue for all these years. Yep, they pull hair, clothes-- fists are flying. Think Linda Evans and Joan Collins on Dynasty only without shoulder pads and in a more disturbing context.
Anything and everything has been added to this moddled soup of a story. So sit back-- you may not enjoy but you'll be damn well entertained by Caputred in the Basement. Coming in three months as soon as we can rush the filming through.


LOST

Whoo hoo another new episode tonight and it's Jack centric. Flash forward, Flash back, present day, it's all Jack! And here's hoping I get to see a bare chested Desmond. How bout some Vincent? Okay I'm getting greedy now. All hail Thursday nights!!!