THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME --PART I

There's no place like home, there's no place like home, repeated Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz and she was magically and happily wisked back home via the ruby slippers. Not so much for our Oceanic 6. Sitting there on the plane ride back to Hawaii no one was smiling or excited to be free of the Island and the prospect of imminent civilization. The whole atmosphere was best characterized by the pilots flying them home, one of whom was clasping a rabbit's foot:"We need this thing. With the cargo we got back there. Bad Mojo." Whoa. If the pilots are saying that, it can't be good.

Jack, as ever, has to speak for everybody. And then suddenly, what we never thought possible way back from episode one has happened: our Losties are off the Island. Well, some of them. They greet their families, save for Kate and Sayid, and mechanically say their story to the reporters gathered. As I said ,way back in episode one, we would have thought of this homecoming as an ending to the show. But not now. It's just the beginning.

So I was wrong last week. I guess Jack wasn't a complete idiot for taking the sat phone and following the signal. Apparently, that's what Lapidus wanted. Well okay, I'm wrong. I still think Jack was stupid, and I'm sticking to that! Sawyer and Miles catch up with Jack and Kate, Aaron is handed off to Kate and off go our heroes to find the helicopter. I love how Sawyer got that little dig in to Jack when he told him how the freighter animals tried to kill them, "just like Locke said they would." And knockout! Sawyer shoots and he scores.

LIES LIES LIES.....

The O6 lies about Kate being Aaron's mom, Jin dying in the plane and how they washed up on the Island of Mumbata. We don't know who told them to tell this story or exactly why they concocted it, but I'm sure that will be answered in the 2 hour finale. Hey if Nicole Kidman is 6 months preggers and looks like she just ate a big meal, then Kate could have been and no one noticed when the Marshalls apprehended her in Australia.


WERE OFF TO SEE THE ORCHID, THE WONDERFUL ORCHID OF OZ

Hurley, Ben and Locke are on the way to move the Island when Ben makes a pit stop and unburies a box with a mirror, binoculars and some saltines! Ben signals someone with the mirror and seems to be back in control of things again. A big change from last week when he seemed ready to cede defeat to Locke. Who was he signalling? If I were to take a stab at it, I would guess he's signalling Richard and Co to meet him at the Orchid for the hijinks that are about to ensue. Ben tells Locke it's "none of his business" when he asks what the signal was. So much for Locke being in charge. Jacob/Christian may have told Locke to move the Island, but it's clear that Ben is the one who knows how to do it and is in control as ever.

HOSTILE TAKE OVER

Not the Hostiles, but a business take over. Sun is pissed and she's putting daddy in his place. She's got controlling ownership of his company and dammit, he better respect her! Could the O6 be in on it with Sun, are they the "five bank accounts" that Paik's cohorts were speaking about? Perhaps they are all in on it together because they suspect Paik's Dharma involvement and they are going to use the company resources to get back to the Island? Well, it's a theory. I didn't say it was good one!

SURPRISE!!!!

It's Hurley's party and he'll hurl a Jesus statue if he wants to! I definitely heard whispers just like the ones on the Island before Hurley discovers the guests waiting for him outside. It's just another push in the direction of insanity for poor Hugo! And when Daddy Cheech Marin shows him the car and the odometer reads the same as the NUMBERS, well, that's about all Hurley can stand. I had to laugh as he lumbered off trying to run away.

UH OH

Keamy's men have made it to the Orchid before Ben and pals. That cannot be good. But never fear, Ben is prepared to sacrifice himself so that Locke can get inside the Orchid and do whatever it is he needs to do. Keamy puts a gun to Ben's head and then poor Ben gets smacked down for about the millionth time in the show. How many punches can this guy take? Someone needs to alert the Guiness people.

SEXY BACK

Good God did Desmond look fine on the freighter. Oops, sorry, I digress. Okay, I'm fine now. Daniel dumps off a bunch of Losties and Sun and Jin come face to face with old buddy Michael! Someone hand them a tissue, it's gonna be a tear fest. The good news, the engines are fixed. The bad news, there's a ton of explosives ready to blow the freighter folks to smithereens. This is especially bad news for me, since Desmond just happens to be on that freighter. If Desmond goes bye bye, I am gonna lose it big time. Could Desmond be the one in the coffin at the end of Season Three? NOOOOOO!!!!!

YOU HAVE A SISTER

Christian's memorial service seemed like a real snooze fest until Jack meets a mysterious stranger who spills the news that Daddy Dearest fathered another child out of wedlock. And that person is none other than Claire!!! Cue the music. I thought I was watching an episode of General Hospital for a moment! Aaron has a grandmama who is looking mighty good after coming out of a coma and all. See, it is just like General Hospital! Jack looks like he could use a dose of Oxycontin after that piece of news.

THE OTHERS ARE BACK!!!

Richard comes calmly out of the jungle as a bunch of Others aim some extreme firepower on Sayid and Kate. I don't think they mean harm. Kate and Sayid are lucky it was them and not the Fearsome Freighties that found them. I have a feeling that Kate and Sayid will be taking a little jaunt to rendezvous with Locke, Hurley, Ben, Jack and Sawyer at the Orchid! Get out the party hats it's time to celebrate the reunion! I did love the montage of everyone set to music. And we all know it's leading up to a thrilling 2 hour conclusion on the 29th. I don't think I am gonna make the next two weeks. God grant me the strength NOT to read any spoilers before the finale!

BEST LINES:

Hurley's Mom: "Jesus Christ is not a weapon."

Sun: (to Jack when he tells the O6 to stick to their story) "We are in shock Jack."

Sawyer: (to Jack, as he heads off to find Lapidus and the copter) "Hold up, you don't get to die alone."

Hurley: (to a reporter who remarks how healthy everyone looks for being on an Island for over 100 days) "Was that directed to me dude?"

Ben: (to Locke, who says he thought Ben had no clue what Widmore wanted) "I wasn't being entirely truthful."

Ben: (giving himself up to Keamy and pals) "My name is Benjamin Linus. I believe you are looking for me?"

LINGERING QUESTION

So what's Locke gonna do when he gets inside the Orchid? Ben told him how to get inside and where to go, but he never told him what to do once he was there. I hope Christian gave explicit instructions during their Cabin Chat, or Locke is gonna be left scratching his head.

MOST MISSED CHARACTER: Vincent, as always.

LEAST MISSED CHARACTER: Juliet. Pretty useless in this episode.

FUNNIEST LINE: Ben remarking to Hurley about the saltines he's eating being 15 years old.